so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
