Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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