i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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