Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
