O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
