I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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