i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
