i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i came on her dog
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
