My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
