do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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