just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
