What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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