we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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