Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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