found the other keg... it's in the tree
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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