he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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