I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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