already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
