Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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