The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
