I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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