we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i think im in europe. pls send help
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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