No awkward lesbian experiences without me
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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