Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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