So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
