"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
