I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
