I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
