Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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