also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
