I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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