I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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