Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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