she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
