White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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