hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
