Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
