dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
