I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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