she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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