She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
