Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
