You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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