I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
