Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the day after is always just damage control
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
