Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
