If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
