I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
