pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
