Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
